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How to be Mindful?


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I have asked this question to others and others have asked it to me. Along this journey, I have some answers.

Mindfulness traditional definition is non judgmental present moment awareness. We understand the meaning of the words on some level. But you understand it whole lot differently when you experience it once.

Do you exercise? If yes, how many of you exercise with a set goal in mind? To lose weight? To gain muscles? To look a certain way, or not to look a certain way? To regain health? To reduce blood pressure or diabetes? Whatever.

For me it was allure of a certain self image. I loved the idea of me looking very buff and muscular. I had that self image of how I was supposed to look. I found a sense of self worth, a sense of emotional security in that self image. I strived towards it without questioning the validity of that self image.

As long as I was working for that self image, I was enjoying exercise in an indirect way. The exercise itself was painful, because I was pushing myself, lifting more weights and running more miles. But I liked the thought that I am making progress towards the revered self image.

Then one day I was mindful of this whole game. I decided to let go of the self image. I had to face the insecurity that came with the thought that “I will not look that way”. But it was far easier to deal with this insecurity than I thought.

I started focusing on immediate reality and my sensations. I started lifting weights just enough that made me feel food. Made my muscles feel stretched and exercised. I ran just fast enough for me to enjoy running. I felt the runner’s high. The flood of good feeling endorphins running through my body. And I loved exercise in that very present moment. There was no goal except to enjoy the very moment.

As I practiced it, I settled into much lighter but enjoyable exercise routine. I started to look forward to going to the gym. My ‘calories burned’ went down, but my attendance to the gym got far more regular. I am nowhere closer to my buff and muscular image. But I am healthy and happy.

We all have this images of happy and secure life. They include a certain type of job, relationship, social status, appearance, possessions. What if we let these images go? And focus on being in this very moment?

Well, “what is a man without ambition?”, you might say.  Would human beings have reached the moon if they did not have ambitions and goals and strived towards it?

The real important question is not whether humans would have reached moon. The real important question is are you at peace right now?

If you are not, and are striving for being happy in a certain point of time in future, there is a good chance that even if you were to reach your goal, you will not be mentally present to enjoy that achievement. You will be working harder to achieve some next future goal. Because you are cultivating a habit of working towards future happiness than finding present happiness.

So you get the picture.

Anyway, here is what you can do to being mindfulness in your life.

  1. Meditate – Cliche. But important. Can’t find time for meditation? That challange will only last for six months. First six months you make time for meditation. For rest of the life, meditation will make time for you. With the increased focus, clarity, you will drop the counterproductive pursuits, unimportant crusades and will find yourself more lighter and free. Download “insight meditation” app on your phone. That will help you get in routine.
  2. Listen – There are plenty of good talks on mindfulness. Search Youtube and podcasts by Joseph Goldstein, John Kabat Zinn. Listen to them while walking ,traveling, relaxing. Read books if you are more into reading. There are plenty of blogs.
  3. Plan for mindful moments – May be set a reminder or two on your phone every day? All you do in that moment come back to your immediate sensations. How does it feel? Is it cold? Hot? Fan or A/c blowing? Are there any sensations of sights, sounds? physical sensations? Try not to judge. Just let them be there.
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Mindfulness ! What is it?


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Long long back, I was living in Virginia. It was particularly stressful time in my life. On recommendation of a friend, I joined a mindfulness course.

Right on the first day, when the teacher described the classic paradox of mind, the less you try to be happy, the more you are happy, something resonated with me. It was beginning of a journey.

Often times people ask me what is it about. I give an example. Have you been in a situation when you were frantically running to catch a flight or a train? You were huffing and puffing, running with your luggage in hand, ultimately to reach the gate only to realize that the plane has left. Do you remember the sensation? Do you remember the end of the struggle and the wave of peace that follows?

You missed the flight. There is inconvenience. There is extra cost and wasted time. All that caused you to stress out and struggle is still there. But there is no struggle. You have surrendered to reality. Your flight is gone. And you are at peace. You are free to browse the books on the stalls, may be get a coffee.

Mindfulness is realizing that in life there is going to be some pain, some inconvenience, some loss, and there is going to be death. It is being more open, more accepting, less judgmental in face of reality of life. It is realizing that you have missed the flight of immortality, perfection, perpetual gratification. It is dropping the futile and often counterproductive struggles in life and then suddenly finding yourself free to check out life in this very moment. When you process it intellectually, it may sound depressing. But when you let it sink in your body and soul, it is immensely liberating. You stop wasting your energy and you start living the present moment. There is new found peace and joy.

Mindfulness is accepting that you will never be perfect and neither will be the world around you and still having compassion for yourself and the world. Mindfulness is stopping the self abuse and abuse of others in servitude of the fictions in your mind . Mindfulness is not about achieving anything. Mindfulness is stopping to overreact to life like a pendulum that keeps swinging, and coming back at the center. Mindfulness is learning to embrace even negative thoughts, emotions, negative experiences as openly as positive ones. We all have innate capacity to do that. Mindfulness only makes you realize this capacity.

What do I get from mindfulness? Well, freedom. Till I started practicing mindfulness, I was not really living. I was acting out my conditioning and deeply imbibed behavioral patterns. When I was driving and someone cut me, I thought I always had to be angry.  I had my hardwired reasoning why it was necessary, which I was not conscious of, and which caused sort of compulsion. After practicing mindfulness I realized it was more of a choice to be angry and I had many more choices available to respond to the situation. As the judgmental voice in my head takes a back seat, the range of choices I have in a moment is more. This is freedom. This is empowering.

So, what does stopping struggle really mean? Am I not going to put on my clothes and go to office? Am I not going to put on seatbelt or am I not going to save for retirement? Of course I am going to do all of that. It is again game of mind that is taking the idea and extrapolating it to the stratosphere. Mindfulness is all about finding the balance. The middle way ,as Buddha termed it. It’s doing enough, but not too much.

Ultimately, mindfulness is fully embracing the present moment with all it brings, the good, the bad and everything in between.

I Have A Dream


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Just a spiritual dream inspired by MLK

I have a dream.

I have a dream that some day the content of my character will have compassion for all sentient beings. The voices of judgement will cease and that my mind will be able to what the Zen calls “thundering acceptance” with a golden mantra, “it is what it is”.

I have a dream that I will embrace this life with open arms for all it has to offer, good and bad and everything in between. The struggles will cease and peace  will prevail. I will realize that undesirable experiences are just part of this life and have as much to offer as pleasant ones when it comes to enriching this life. I will remember what Joseph Campbell says “We all are here not to be happy, but to feel alive.”

I have a dream that I will be able to forgive myself and others with ease, for we are all just humans. There will be compassion for me as well as for others. There will be no guilt, no shame, because guilt and shame do not work. There will be no using self abuse as mechanism for self improvement. Willingness to inflict self abuse is the first thing that must be improved.

I have a dream that I will face the truth every waking moment. Because every moment we don’t face the truth, leads us to a wrong worldview. Every error in our worldview eventually leads to a conflict and confusion. Every conflict and confusion leads to a battle within ourselves. A battle within ourselves is a battle we always lose.

My dream is to have a fluid, all encompassing awareness of this world that is free of conflicts, ignorance and full of compassion and wisdom.

I have a dream that I will need very little from the world outside because I will have a rich inner world. My relationship with this world will be that of interdependence and harmony and not of consumerism and greed.

I have a dream that I may conquer fear of death, because as a soul, there is no such thing as birth or death for us, only transitions we remember and transitions we don’t.

I have a dream that my mornings be filled with gratitude , my afternoons with acts of compassion, my evenings with reflection and my nights with silence.

I have a dream that a large number of people on this earth share this dream and we all help each other to realize it.

 

“Thoughts Feelings Sensations” meditation


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For a last few days, I am trying something. Can’t say this is anything new. May be I reframed it in my own words and thus it appears new to me.

It’s called thoughts-feelings-sensations meditation.

Our mind is continuously busy categorizing things and putting them in buckets. A mind that is idle goes crazy. Like a bicycle has to keep moving in order to remain upright, the mind has to keep moving in order to exist. Or so it feels.

Meditation, generally the practice of quieting the mind, is difficult for me. I get distracted too much and going from all this noise to no noise seems like a big task.

Thus, I created this very simple task for my mind. Sit quietly and anything that arises, just put it in one of the three buckets. Thoughts, feelings or sensations. This simple task frees up a lot of consciousness that is taken by mind when it’s multitasking, busy remembering things, sorting things out in hundreds of buckets and going in judgmental whirlwinds.

This way seems to work for me. After a while, I begin to feel relaxed. A thought is called out as thought and the pressure to react to that thought assuming it a reality is gone. A feeling is called out as feeling and does not automatically translate into a behavior response, which may be a thought or chain of thoughts.

It’s when I realize how thoughts give rise to thoughts and things can cascade into chain of thoughts, some cascading so unconscious that the beginning and end thought seem to arise randomly. And some behavior responses that seem like autopilot response are often realized as choices that fly under the radar of attention and memory.

So, back to thoughts-feelings-sensations world. Feel of soft keys on my finger. The whirring sound of air conditioner. The wonder of who will read these words.

And that followed by silence.

Colonialism – A Societal Abuse


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A bit departure today. Into history and politics.

Often times I post on online forums and debates. One recent such debate was about colonialism. The poster was most likely from Britain or one of the other colonizing countries, and was making a point that India and all other colonized nations should not be complaining really because they got a lot out of colonialism. He stopped just short of saying that the colonized countries should in fact be thankful to their colonial masters.

Lots of Indians voiced their disagreement, some in strong words and the argument degenerated. However I had a feeling the real problem was not quite captured. Thus this post.

History is just vast sea of facts. Based on these facts we make our judgments. Why we focus on a particular set of facts and what judgment we derive from them depends on our emotional undercurrents. And sadly, rarely people dig deeper than the superficial facts and judgments.

I have strong negative feelings about British colonization. You know why? Every nation, every society has this ongoing love affair with their past, their history. It is from this love affair that they derive their sense of identity, their pride, their self esteem. It is a form of self worship. Everyone has an altar deep in their mind, and there is an idol of self. There is nothing wrong in self worship as long as you are not sacrificing others at that altar.

The grim reminders everywhere of colonization throw a wrench in this self worship, this love affair with the past. People struggle to feel good about themselves. This struggle for self esteem is very subtle and hard to spot, but very pervasive and thus far more damaging in long term. It creeps into your decision making, it creeps into your relationships, it creeps into your sense of identity. It contributes a lot to create a dysfunctional society.

It’s a trauma. It’s as if part of me wants to forget that trauma because it’s painful. But part of me wants to keep that trauma alive as a reminder, as an insurance that I will be able to avoid such trauma in future. And the conflict tires me out.

In short, I don’t like colonization because it makes me difficult to love myself. And ironically it is difficult for a British person to accept colonization as bad because it makes it difficult for them to love themselves.

For the most part the first world, and especially Anglo Saxon demographics, has been unaware of how a massive societal trauma feels. Some segments of this world, like women experiencing rape or soldiers experiencing PTSD have been exposed to this trauma. But others are blissfully unaware and vastly underestimate the impact such trauma has on your life.

No, 9/11 was still not a national long term trauma. It was painful tragedy, but not long term trauma. Because USA was able to bring people to justice and bring some closure. When you bring closure, you can maintain your self-respect and a sense of control over your surrounding. It hurts a lot more when you are violated but have to live with the trauma and see the perpetrators walk free. We are all aware of dangers in this world. But we live with a certain plausible deniability of “that may not happen to me.” When you suffer trauma, but can’t bring closure, that comfort of plausible deniability is taken away.

Most of the first world nations have this blind spot for trauma. And that sadly reflects in their politics and foreign policy.

Consider the Iraq war. How did it play in Iraqi minds? History reads “America and Britain invaded Iraq and Iraq lost.” No matter what, that reminder of loss and the crisis of self esteem inflicted is going to contribute to the dysfunction of Iraqi society far more than the arrival of democracy is going to fix it. When an American or British person looks and salutes at their flag, do you see the warm glow of pride in their eyes? The Iraqi invasion just made sure that Iraqis won’t feel that glow for the next 100 years.

Was it worth it? I don’t know. I am too small person with too limited resources to decide whether Saddam Hussein was keeping WMDs or not. But I would have liked to see this considered. I would have liked at least one from the trove of political pundits on either side to acknowledge this.

And this is not just a problem with any one nation or any single person. We all underestimate, or completely forget, the need of other person to feel good about themselves. It’s like we have no awareness of ever not feeling that need, so it has become background veil of our thoughts not registering in our consciousness. And we have have no sensation of other person feeling that need, so we discount it while dealing with them.

If we paid attention to this, we would realize that we not only need good things to happen to us, but we need them to happen in such a way that they make us feel good about ourselves.

That realization of abstract, unsurfaced, emotions of other person is compassion. Compassion is not giving a dollar to the beggar. But compassion is realizing that the beggar is as entitled to self-esteem as the queen of England.

And next time when you will get multiple calls in your head, that call of pride or call of virtuousness or call of compassion, I hope you answer the call of compassion. Because that is the golden virtue.

Mindfulness Meditation – The Car In Neutral


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I am practicing mindfulness meditation for some time now.  I have to say, the single best thing I have done to myself in last several years is to join a mindfulness course. From what I read and practiced, here are a few tips I wanted to share.

1. Mindfulness is like putting your car in neutral. If you find yourself distracted or not mindful, you don’t pressure yourself in beating yourself to be mindful. If mind is like a car, and if getting distracted in thoughts is like getting the car in gear, then trying to beat your mind into being mindful again is like putting the car in reverse gear. You are still giving it momentum, just in opposite direction. That is equally useless.

Instead just be gentle and bring back your mind to mindfulness. That is like putting the car in neutral. Every time you find it is in gear, put it in neutral. Eventually the car of your mind runs out of momentum and simply drifts along with the flow of the world. That is indeed a very peaceful experience.

2. When you realize you have experienced one moment of mindfulness, the immediate desire is to control the mindfulness and to perpetuate it. Right there, you are not being mindful. Any attempt to think yourself to mindfulness is not mindfulness. It cannot be a logic. It cannot be an achievement. It can only be experience in the present moment.

3. While practicing the meditation part, many people overlook a very important aspect of mindfulness. It’s stopping the self abuse. One part of you beating up another part of you for any reason seem like a productive thing in the short term. But it backfires in the long run. Being kind to yourself, allowing you to be human, forgiving yourself for not being the ideal image of yourself in your own mind, is a giant step forward. It’s not about writing yourself a blank check to indulge in unhealthy habits. It’s about realizing that sometimes the attempts to beat yourself to be different, say more healthy, result in a distress. That distress and self criticism creates a need for distraction, which leads you to unhealthy habits.

4. Mindfulness is no tool to unlock some secret treasure chest. You cannot be successful in mindfulness. Because success implies judgement. Judgement implies the dual experience of object being evaluated, i.e. a mental state and the evaluator, something else. In real mindfulness, there is no judgement, and no object and evaluator standing apart of each other. Mindfulness is neither means nor end. It is just a direct experience of reality.

5. Every now and then you will find suddenly your muscles relaxing. Like your jaw or lower back or neck. Your mind will try to frame this experience and to reproduce it next time. When you start meditation the next day, you will find your mind already sitting there in anticipation. “Are the muscles going to relax now? Not yet? How about now? ” That is the time to simply be mindful of this anticipation and feel amused.

6. It’s time to stop reading about mindfulness and start practicing. No amount of literature or discourse will equal to the experience.

(The image is of one of the 2000 year old Buddhist meditation caves near Mumbai, India)

There is No Devil!


The more I think and see, the more I experience this world. This is what it is leading me to believe. There is no devil. But there are angels gone wild. A disproportionate number of pain and grief in the world is tied to the actions or choices rooted in good intentions. And there is a fraction of pain that is caused by course of nature, unavoidable and unpredictable.

I have tried to read both sides of stories for several conflicts in the world, current and past. Most violence seems to come from the idealistic visions of harmony. Most wars are just clash between just two difference ideas of peace. Most hate is just love blinded by fear.

Most pain seems to come from ethical debt and the collateral damage that results from it.

And there is no such thing as unethical behavior. There is only ethical debt. At times we don’t understand the consequences of our choices. At other times we do understand we are doing something wrong. We just have a justification.

Often a man plans an ambitious conquest with the desire of more power and in process ends up making a series of unethical choices. The justification in his own mind that “Once I have extra power, I will do more good and more than repay this ethical debt.” But power corrupts. Minds, ideas, opinions drift from what they were before becoming powerful. This ethical debt is forgotten. But it lingers in the minds of who suffered the damage.

Or else, imagine a mother wanting to protect her child. She understands that her child can get Malaria from a mosquito bite. Thus she decides to go on rampage and kill all the mosquitoes in the world. In the process, she disturbs the cycle of nature so much that ultimately her child is ends up suffering more. We are all like this mother when it comes to our family, our religion, our country. We go to extreme in some cases just to be protective, and the harm that comes from the collateral damage we inflict often outweighs the protection offered by the action.

Thus I am coming to believe, there are no devils. There is only forgotten ethical debt and collateral damage that came out of it. And then there is conscience blinded by the love of self image. We like ourselves when we are killing the devil. We like ourselves when we are fixing the world.

So we just badly want a devil, and make one up from the circumstances at hand.