It’s been a while I wrote anything. Why? A Writer’s block? Don’t know.
I still have thoughts. I still have ideas. But I am too afraid to say it. Because in my mind, there is this solidified image of a certain impact i want my blog posts to have. I daydream about how much people will like it. I daydream about how much I will like myself when I write better than perfect post. The perfect flow, perfect choice of words, perfect argument.
And when I actually write, I am not sure if I am there yet. There seems to be a real chance that not many people will read it or they will read it but won’t like it as much. There is a real chance that I will write it and look at it with disdain thinking how could I write something so stupid. That means it fell short of my goal. It means lost opportunity of self-validation.
That kind of thinking goes on only till I start. Once I start, I enjoy writing. I can spend hours and not realize that so much time has gone by.
Also there is a control issue. I believe I have control over every thought I have not expressed. I believe I have control over every word I have not said. Because once I say it, I cannot unsay it. It’s expressed I have no control over it. But there is a sense of unfinished business about the thoughts that I want to express but haven’t expressed. That bothers me. Perhaps I don’t control the words I haven’t said. They control me.
So here is to breaking the habit of perfectionism. Here is to trying something and enjoying the try.