Back to blogging after a long time. Several things have happened in this much time that have given me a new perspective on life.
I just want to share one of the experiences I had recently. Kind of spiritual.
It was one quiet moment at an airport. I was waiting for flight. I had to wait for a while. It was getting late night. The flight traffic was winding down as well.
I had nothing to do. So I just sat there. Mindfully. Trying not to think of something in the past of future. Just taking in and savoring the present moment. Not judging, not sorting, not analyzing. Just experiencing.
Sometimes I can do it. Sometimes I can’t. When I can do it, it kind of feels like the boat with the engine turned off. Your mind still goes ahead with activity for a while, but then it starts winding down slowly.
This time it happened rather fast. And zap. Something just happened in my brain and it dawned to me. The whole life that was passing by by me was temporal. I had heard Alan Watts talking about it in his seminars. But right now it just hit me. Everything around me was going up and down, left and right, fluctuating on its own frequency. A big portion of what I was experiencing in the moment was this superimposed temporal waves of sensations. Like a Fourier series in mathematics can express a any straight line (or any curve for that matter) in a given span as a sum of temporal fluctuating curves, this whole life is temporal. There is no point in trying to fix it, modify it, control it, direct it, in order to keep only part of that tempo that we like. There will always be the other side, the correction, the coming back to root. It’s just built in.
And if you read this, and are proceeding without pausing, you understood it, but it has not hit you. If you want this to hit you, to be unseparable part of your worldview, you need to something like visualize up and down of some particular temporal event hundreds of times. Till your mind is bored and realizes that in good events of today, lie the seeds of disasters tomorrow and the catastrophes of tomorrow, open up the possibilities of most joyful events day after tomorrow.
A leaf of a tree will be scared of autumn only if it wants to hang on to being the same exact leaf. If it is willing to change the way nature wants it to change, autumn and spring are just two sides of the same coin. There is no reason to love spring more than autumn.
We all struggle with this. We all are so fixed on being we, and remaining “we”, we resist this tempo. A large amount of our suffering is born out of this resistance, stopping nature from taking its course, being overly fixated on our identity. Because we believe that this struggle is what will bring us lasting peace. However, ironically our identity remains a tempo as well.
There is an experience beyond being me, beyond looking at this world as an entity to be manipulated so that I can survive. That new experience is a very simple and peaceful sensation, and additionally perhaps a mild sense of curiosity and wonder.
May be that’s real life. Not the everyday struggle.
So it was my real life experience.